Healing Through Trust
Sooner or later, we all realize that suffering is part of life. If we allow it, our pain can coexist with God’s peace. He can use our experiences to draw us closer to Him and to save souls. Like me, if you have gone through the devastation of being sexually abused, or have suffered any other type of abuse, then it is normal to have trust issues. My abuser worked for my Dad, who I mistakenly thought was a friend of the family. He was someone I felt I could trust. He used that trust to manipulate and groom me for his unspeakable and very evil desires.
When I decided to forgive my abuser, I started to build my trust in God and in people in general. I started believing God was watching over me and would bless me with the faith I put in him. And one of the greatest blessings he bestowed upon me is my husband.
I was twenty-nine years old when I met David in South Florida, where we both lived. We fell in love right away, and somehow, I knew he was the right person for me. Our courtship was short and beautiful. Less than six weeks after we started dating, David proposed. I knew then, and I know now that David was handpicked by God to be my husband. He’s an amazing man who has been there for me through it all.
Just before we got engaged, I decided it was time for David to know about my painful past. I told him I had something to tell him that may make him change his mind about marrying me. I wasn’t sure that I could be a good wife; I was too broken.
He held me tight and told me how sorry he was that something so terrible had happened to me. We cried together as he told me how he would never let anyone hurt me again. Something in his eyes made me believe him. And I’m glad I did. David patiently loved me through my brokenness, even in our first few years of marriage, when I was still trying to sabotage my happiness by believing Satan’s lies. Yet through my trust - first of God and then of David - I was able to gain strength to open up and defeat the enemy.
I pray that most of you reading this will someday find your own David. It is certainly not necessary to get married for the healing process to be a success. Please remember this: most people are not predators. That is presumably something you already know, but it still helps to hear it. There are good men and women whom you can trust. To project onto everyone you meet the sins of your abuser will only isolate you even more. Of course, it’s natural to need time before becoming intimate with someone when you have been so intimately violated. When you feel you are ready and believe you might have found the right person, don’t cut yourself off from that person. That gives your abuser a second chance of controlling your life.
If you do find yourself romantically involved with someone, I encourage you to, at the right time, tell him about your abuse. If someone is going to get close to you, he deserves to know about the things that shaped you, both the good and the bad. And if he truly is the right person, you’ll get the answer based on how he responds. If he responds with warmth, understanding, and love, you will know you need to hang onto him. He will become a great source of comfort in your healing process. This can only happen if you begin to trust. Believe in God first, and He will guide you.